MOTHERHOOD

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I often thought about my future, starting a family and the risks I would face living with a chronic illness. I had my children at a young age and glad I made the decisions I was forced to make. When I was pregnant with my first born I was told I had a bicornuate uterus. Basically my uterus is half the size as a “normal” size uterus. I was told I will deliver early and with no questions ask, deliver the old fashion way. Vaginally. Due to my stomach surgery I cannot undertake a C-section. Too many complications would occur and I would loose my baby and my life. From all the worries I had from my previous symptoms I couldn’t comprehend this. I was working full time in a nursing home as a CNA. A type of job that’s all labor. Physically, mentally, emotionally – you name it. I look back on my pregnancy and honesty I don’t know how I freakin did it. A very few co workers helped me with my heavy load responsibilities, and others well, didn’t. There’s some people who doesn’t understand nor want to understand living with chronic illnesses. Quite ironic working in the medical field, I always said. It was tough but I thankfully got through it. Eight, long and painstaking months went by and I was in labor. Of course with your first pregnancy you don’t know what to expect. Contractions after contractions! Holy crap its time! My fiancé  rushed us to the hospital that was about 30 minutes away, to only hit traffic! I will never forget the look on his face. I screamed, ” You need to take the break down lane!” I thought I was going to delivery in the car. So many thoughts went through my mind as you can image. My baby girl waited and yes, we reached the hospital. My mom came for support and sure enough the doctors announced its time. Just when you think a beautiful moment, I cant wait to hold you in my arms. See your face, hear your cry. After a ‘push’ -A crowd of doctors stormed in, running in and out with equipment, calling for codes, I hear my blood pressure beeping. I mean I had no idea what the hell was happening. But having experiences in the medical field and a long term history of living with diseases you can pinpoint a doctors concern. I demanded to know what’s going on, they stated that my daughter is stuck and they would have to use a vacuum delivery to help the baby out the birth canal. Using this device would risk the baby and would damage her head. I LOST it! ” There’s NO way your vacuuming my baby out!” Startled, every one in the room took a step back. I knew I could delivery my baby without using assistance. 6 pounds and 6 ounces later my daughter, Isabella was born.

I went back to work after my daughter turned one years old. My fiancé and I were very shocked and excited after learning we were expecting again. I was on birth control and wasn’t expecting to have our family expand. I had moved back into my parents house during that time as well to save up money. Our agreement was to stay a short time just myself and daughter to get back on our feet for financial difficulties. My parents are very old fashioned and raised us very strictly. I remembered the disappointment announcing my first pregnancy, I couldn’t bare another lecture. Living on the edge as I usually do, I hid it from them. I thought to myself I will tell them once I move out and have our own place…. That didn’t go as planned. Both my parents are Italian, and raised us with a rigid rule of discipline. I learned in the long run to appreciate them being so diligent on me, however it was very challenging keep my hormones in check. The news broke out and my parents has been supporting my decision ever since. Working full time and taking care of my daughter alone defiantly became stressful and demanding. I also live with two budging disc in my spine. I live in constant pain, but that doesn’t stop life or motherhood. My daughter was walking and exploring but my illnesses were constantly  pulling me back, sometimes enough to not enjoy these precious moments. I never pawned my children off to my parents to get a shut eye or when I couldn’t handle it anymore. I just handled it and sucked it up. Nailing down a routine for myself truly helped and even benefited the toddler stages. We eventually found a new home to rent and began getting ready for the longer nights. Pregnancy the second time around actually flew by. I was scheduled to work to train a new employee while I would be on leave. Out of nowhere I started feeling pain, I foolishly ignored it thinking they were fake contractions. (Who was I kidding.) It dawned on me that I was going into labor. Hours later we welcomed my son, Brayden into the world at 5 pounds and 8 ounces. My world felt so complete.

 

 

 

 

 

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