Memories can be heartwarming or hurtful, but either way, we all have them, and even if they are hurtful, we have learned lessons from them. Also, some memories fade, but I have found while particular memories of certain times together fade and cannot be remembered, the feelings never do. You can feel what those moments spent with a loved one felt like and that stays forever.
I love it when I am going about my day, and a memory of someone I love dearly comes to mind. Instantaneously, joy fills my heart, and a smile fills my face. Those memories are love … times we were loved, times we loved, times that brought us great joy, times that brought great joy to others, times that validated us, times that are entirely precious and immeasurable.
But then, of course, those memories will come to mind, which may be painful, and we make us feel sad. Don’t let it drag you down, but learn from it. I think of those memories and can really get caught up in how I wish I had done things differently or that life turned out differently. We can wish that with all our hearts, but as much as we want to, we do not have the power to go back and change it. It is so easy to see things in retrospect. I look at my 18-year-old self and examine where I was emotionally and what my maturity level was. I can understand the situation and try not to be hard on myself. I look back on my 24-year-old self and think the same. Why? Why did I make the bad decision I made? Now, at 64, I know why. My marriage to my first husband was a year and a half of pure hell. It was sprinkled with some good times, but it was one of the most painful events I have been through. I know why I decided to marry him, and it was stupid. Completely stupid. I won’t even get into it here. That itself could be a whole book. But, in retrospect, I know what happened.
Even in those painful memories, I can find joy. The joy was the love it brought me and the love I gave. It brought me the love of my mother-in-law, one of the most beautiful people I have ever known, as well as my other in-laws and extended family. My mother-in-law (Mom Inez) and I spent 39 years genuinely loving each other, and I had the best times with her. It also gave me my beautiful daughter, who was a dream come true. So even in difficult times, we can feel joy and, through our painful memories, can find the joy. So when a stressful memory comes to my mind, I try to not forget it as Barbara says in this song, but try to focus on its joy and the lesson learned, and I see how it has been a stepping stone in my growth.
If I look at my mother’s death, it is an excruciating memory for me for the past 51 years. Still, I make it less so as I try not to focus on the loss I have had to endure but on the joy I had, not in her passing but in the 13 beautiful, joyful years I had with her. I also look at, with faith, the grand time I will have with her again when it is my turn for my soul to end its journey here and begin its journey in heaven. It’s the same with any loss. We are blessed to have known and shared in their love and look forward to seeing and loving them again. Oh, how I long to once again be with my mom, dad, Inez, Eric Sr., friend Cathy, grandparents, godparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins… all those I shared love with. Love never dies. Ever.
Love truly doesn’t die. Love may swirl and twirl in the forefront of our hearts or into the crevices for shelter; love can go into denial for self-protection or it can be poured out with your whole being, but true love never dies. True love always remains. I, now at 64, can say that with utmost certainty.
I remember a time when I was hurting so bad I wanted God to remove the memories I had of someone so that I wouldn’t hurt anymore. It was just too painful. I am happy he didn’t. I would never wish for that again. Memories serve a purpose and remind us of the beautiful pieces of time in our lives.
When love is deep and genuine, that connection lasts a lifetime. You can go decades without seeing them; when you do see them, it is like no time has passed; you are just like you were decades ago.
Reconnecting with love, whether for decades, years, or months, is a beautiful thing. Whether it’s a lover, a friend, or a relative, if there was love, there is still love, and it is beautiful.
Some memories bring me such joy that tears well up in my eyes, gratefulness swells in my heart, and I am forever changed by those times in my life and so grateful they happened and then happened again.
So whether good or bad memories light the corners of your mind, embrace them. Take them for what they are: a beautiful time in your life or a lesson learned, or both.o Either way, they are blessings.
Barbara Streisand’s song “The Way We Were” is a beautiful song. Would we? Could we? Yes, we could, for where there is love, nothing is impossible. Always remember that. We may not be able to change the beginning, but we can always change the ending.
LOVE – genuine, authentic love never dies.
Coming soon – a reflection on love.
Side note: Listening to the song I can’t help to see all the photographs of years gone by flashing through my mind. And I don’t mean actual photographs (for many, many memories I have no photographs), but the images that are forever printed in my mind and heart.
